Divorce From The Eyes Of your Child

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Hey Guys!

If you are going through a divorce right now or are thinking about getting one or have already gone through one….this blog is a perfect read for you!! Learn what your child sees and feels and learn the appropriate way to handle the situation or make it better so that your child can be stable, full of life, and happy knowing that two parents still love them!

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Remember that special day when you just got married and everything was perfect, new, romantic and your love for one anther was so ahhmazing? Then the days goes by and new qualities emerge that you have never seen before that might be a little irritating to you like snoring …..yikes…. he or she is so loud or he or she doesn’t put the toilet paper roll on correctly, or maybe you both have a different style of cleaning but hey, no big deal right?….you’ll get through it. Well, the day comes that you both find out the good news that you are expecting to have a baby boy soon….Congratulations! The emotions of being happy, nervous, excited and overwhelmed consumes you as you can’t believe that you will be a mommy…or a daddy that comes with a big responsibility to care for, instill values, morals, educate to get him to the next level in life to be successful, to nurture, to love, to teach him right from wrong and to be the best role model for him!

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The years passes and you notice that things are kind of changing…..it becomes such a routine in your household , your husband is not showing you much affection and all he wants to do is be out with the boys, your wife is not meeting your sexual needs and tends to your child’s needs first, you both are fighting on a daily basis and not able to agree on the same style of parenting philosophy and your daily communication is by yelling, screaming, ranting, raging, and throwing things all right in front of your precious little one from the age of two. Your child hears explosive language of hate and physical altercations constantly until the age of 9 when you both decide that it is time to get a Divorce. Unfortunately, nothing is spoken to your child about getting a divorce and one day you….mom, takes your child without his father to a new home, a new school, a new family unit without his father. Your child is heart broken, in tears, blames himself for the breakup and divorce, lives with the guilt that if he was only a better child this wouldn’t have happened and this is such a heavy burden to carry through the years. Your son becomes mad and angry about the situation and how things were wrongfully and unfairly handled that now as he is getting older he is searching towards other things to fill his crushed heart and eliminate the hurt by doing drugs, experiencing with drinking, being promiscuous and going down the wrong path because he doesn’t have anyone to talk to, he feels lonely and empty, he doesn’t have his dad with him and he is just full of confusion and hurt.

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Does this sound familiar? Have you been guilty of yelling, cussing and screaming in front of your child during arguments but never stopped to think how your child was feeling? Well, it’s time to make better mature choices to help your child through the most difficult time of their life! A bad decision we make as parents could be a lifetime of scarring for your child so we really need to have awareness to do what is right and with the mindset of always with the best interest for your child. Now, here are some solutions that you can do and follow to have a positive environment and to make any transitions a better one.

Rule # 1 Never argue in front of your child and show them that you are bad mouthing the other parent.

Rule # 2 Never bring your child into adult situations such as telling them about your money problems, or about your arguments with your spouse as they cannot control those things.

Rule # 3 Always have family discussions and keep the lines of communication open for your child to express their feelings.

Rule # 4 When you decide that you both agree to get a divorce, you MUST sit everybody down together as a family (Dad, Mom, and kids). You are all still family so you need to address it all together.

Rule # 5 The first 45 seconds is the most critical time of what is spoken because it leaves the most impression so you want to tell them that …Mom and dad have decided that we can no longer live together and we want to assure you that nothing is your fault, you have not done anything wrong to cause us to be apart and it was our decision but we both agree that we love you so very much and we will always be here for you and support you in anyway we can. We want to be here for you to answer any questions or if you want to express yourself on how you are feeling but we know sometimes it can be hard to come to us to share so please choose another family member ( a second parent) that you feel comfortable with. This gives them another outlet.

Rule # 6 Check in with your child on how they are doing and just to reassure them that they are loved. Now when you are living apart from your ex, never bad mouth the other parent and encourage them to have a healthy relationship with the other parent as well as this will make them happy and have a more solid foundation to move forward…

Please remember that it makes all the difference on how you approach the situation so always look at it through the eyes of your child and help them to be happy, stable, safe and loved even though the situation can be a stressful time. It will be a healing process but believe me…I am speaking from experience when I say that we all heal if we allow it.

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One thought on “Divorce From The Eyes Of your Child

  1. Thank you for your insight and your honest feelings on divorce and looking at it through the eyes of a child. Very good pointers for someone who is going through a divorce right now with kids and don’t know how to handle it in a positive way.
    Keep up the great info on your blog!!!

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